I'm My Own Father
by Phoenix with a Head Cold
Summary: Ginny finds out she's pregnant (shock! horror!) and comes across a certain someone's timeturner and travels to the past (shock! horror!)....EXACTLY 21 years into the past....think about it.... Ms. Weasley, meet the Mauraders.
1. I'm Pregnant

I'm my own Father?!  
  
By Red and Yellow  
  
Ginny sighed, pregnancy tests never lied, and Ginny was pregnant. How? Well, it was a long and complicated story..actually, it wasn't THAT long..it was really quite short..but that was beside the point.  
  
Harry. The name caused her to frown. She knew he was the father, that sick freak. She had to break the news to him, but how? She figured that she might as well tell him as soon as possible.  
  
She entered the common room and called his name, "Harry?" She frowned, "Harry?" She tried a little louder, "HARRY, YOU SICK FREAK, ANSWER ME!!!!!"  
  
Harry shot up in his seat, "Ginny! I didn't hear you come in!" He exclaimed, "Come sit on my lap, baby."  
  
Ginny marvelled at what a complete loser Harry could be at times. She looked at his stupid smile, and his stupid sticky-uppy hair, and his stupid green eyes, and hoped that her child wouldn't get TOO much of its father's genes.  
  
"There's no time for that now!" She angrily exclaimed, "I-I have something to tell you.." She took a deep breath, "Harry, you've done what no boy was ever able to do before..you've achieved the impossible-"  
  
"Ginny," Harry cut in, "You promised that you wouldn't tell ANYONE how I managed to do that!"  
  
"Not that, Harry!" Ginny snapped, "You've gotten me pregnant!"  
  
The whole common room turned and stared.  
  
"You've gotten me pregnant!!" Ginny screamed a second time, "And I hate you for it!"  
  
"But, baby.." Harry started in that annoying nasally voice he has.  
  
"But NOTHING, Harry!" Ginny cried, "You've ruined my entire life! Now I cannot go whoring around this school anytime I please because I'm PREGNANT!"  
  
Ginny stormed upstairs and began to cry. She had a reputation to uphold, how could she when she wasn't able to do any guy that crossed her path? How could she remain abstinent for the NINE MONTHS she was pregnant? She could barely go TWENTY-FOUR HOURS, how was she to manage NINE MONTHS?  
  
In her rage, she decided that she needed to trash something, but not her own bedroom; she wouldn't want to bring trash in there! She finally decided to trash the seventh-year girls dorm.  
  
"I'm so mad!" She exclaimed while kicking trunks over, "I DON'T WANNA BE PREGNANT!" She cried while tearing apart the hangings on one of the beds, "I HATE - Oooh! Pretty!"  
  
She had spotted a sparkly hourglass thing that had fallen out of Hermione's trunk. She started spinning the hourglass, she spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, and spun it, AND she kept spinning it until the words became redundant and didn't look or sound like proper words. In fact, she spun the time turner EXACTLY 184,080 times.  
  
After all of this spinning, Ginny became tired and blacked out. 


	2. Journey to the Past

"Hello? Hello? WAKE UP!"  
  
Ginny groaned, who the hell would be shouting at her at this hour of the morning? Her eyes fluttered open and she spotted the person who had so rudely disturbed her.  
  
"Harry!" She snapped, "I thought I told you that I never wanted to see you again!"  
  
Harry looked confused for a minute, "Who's Harry?" He asked.  
  
"Oh Harry, don't be thick!" She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, "Honestly, just because you-"  
  
She finally got a good glimpse of Harry, and realised that he wasn't Harry.  
  
"Y-you're not Harry."  
  
"No," The Harry-look-alike grinned, "But I must ask who you are, you're wearing Gryffindor robes, and yet I've never seen you before."  
  
"I-I-I'm Gi - " But she was interrupted.  
  
"Jamie-boy!" A voice called, "Wherever could you be? We counted to ten and couldn't find you!!!"  
  
"I'm right here, Sirius," The boy in front of her called, "Sorry, right before you came we were playing a game of hide and seek.."  
  
"JAMES! I FOUND YOU! I WIN!!! Wheeeeeee!" Sirius cried and began to dance in circles, "I WIN! I WIN! I WIN!"  
  
"You did not!" James frowned, "I told you where I was, Sirius!"  
  
"WAIT!" Ginny interrupted, "Sirius, Sirius Black???"  
  
Sirius bowed, "I see this lovely lady has heard of me!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Heard of you? HEARD OF YOU???? You're a deranged maniac!"  
  
"Well, Sirius is pretty bad, but I wouldn't go so far as to say he's a deranged maniac! What deranged maniac sleeps in dancing purple bunny thongs?" James asked.  
  
Ginny blinked.  
  
"Oh, I see what you mean, that is pretty deranged." James frowned.  
  
"I-I-I think I need to see the headmaster.." Ginny announced while putting a hand to her forehead, "I think he should know that Sirius Black is running wild throughout the castle!" She added to James in a whisper and took off.  
  
James stared at the girls retreating back, "But Sirius always runs wild throughout the castle.." 


	3. On the 'Shrooms

Ginny arrived, panting, in front of the gargoyle leading to the headmaster's office, "A.D. makes me hot!" She announced to the gargoyle, Dumbledore had given her a "special password" so she could spend "special time" with him in the evenings.  
  
Oddly the gargoyle didn't spring to life, Ginny tried again. "A.D. makes me hot?" Nothing happened.  
  
Ginny started beating the gargoyle with her fists; she wanted to see Dumbledore, why wasn't it working?  
  
Coincidentally, at that very moment, because he is so omnipotent, Dumbledore walked out of the entrance.  
  
"Well, hi-diddly-ho, stranger! What brings you to these parts?"  
  
Ginny stared.  
  
"Well are you going to fudging talk or are you another hallucination from my psychedelic mushrooms?" Dumbledore then began to laugh, he laughed for a very long time, he laughed for hours.  
  
4 hours later  
  
Ginny was seated on the floor outside Dumbledore's office, he was still laughing, she glanced at her watch and sighed, he could at least have offered her some of those mushrooms..  
  
Dumbledore finally stopped laughing and wiped his eyes. "Well, come to my office, stranger!"  
  
Ginny followed Dumbledore into his office and took a seat. "So, who are you?" He asked.  
  
"What do you mean, 'Who am I?' You know perfectly well who I am!"  
  
"I'm afraid, Ms. Weasley, that I have no clue as to who you are!" Dumbledore then began to laugh again.  
  
Ginny sighed, if this took as long as last time -  
  
"Well, maybe I do know who you are..But only your name because I am omnipotent! FEAR MY OMNIPOTENCE!!!!!"  
  
Ginny leaned back in her seat and stared.  
  
"Lemon Drop?" Dumbledore offered quite kindly.  
  
"Um, no.."  
  
"So, my dear, who are you?" Dumbledore smiled.  
  
"I," Ginny began regally, "Am Virginia Weasley, slut extraordinaire, daughter of Arthur and Molly, shagger of every boy in this school AT LEAST once.."  
  
"Well, Virginia, can you tell me what year it is?"  
  
"Why of course," Ginny looked at Dumbledore as though he had finally lost it, which, she figured, he probably had, "It's the year 1997. Honestly, Professor, one would think -"  
  
Dumbledore silenced her with his hand. "The year is 1976, my dear..You've gone back in time twenty-one years.."  
  
Ginny blinked. "Oh great, first Harry gets me pregnant, then I'm sent 21 years into the past!"  
  
"Wait, you're pregnant?" Dumbledore asked and began to laugh manically.  
  
Ginny decided to leave the office at this point and burst into tears at the injustice of it all. She began to run and barely noticed when she ran into another.  
  
"What the hedge--" Ginny began, "Hey... you look a lot like me...what's your name?"  
  
"Um, Lily?" The girl replied and "vogued it".  
  
Ginny peered maliciously into the eyes of a girl, suddenly getting an idea. They did look a lot alike... they both had red hair, except the girl had green eyes. Something must be done for Ginny's omnipotent plan to continue.  
  
Ginny got up and put a hand out for the girl in an odd act of kindness. "I'm so sorry, come let me help you up." She said this in what she thought was a pretty smile but was really quite horrifying. "Why don't you follow me into this dark corner?" Ginny inquired.  
  
Lily, being the geekiest/most popular genius/ditz in the school twirled her beautiful/ugly hair and followed Ginny into the corner while popping a huge pink bubble with her gum. "Okay.."  
  
Ginny then took out her wand and began to stab Lily with it. She stabbed her many times, so many in fact that her body was unrecognisable, every part of her body but her eyes, that is.  
  
Ginny laughed manically and pulled Lily's eyes out and crammed them into her own head. Who was the Lily now???  
  
(A/N: Yellow would like to point out that this is impossible and she knows this because she and her lab partner decided to saw open the skull of the frog they were dissecting and look at the brain. They realised that the nerve endings lead from the eye to the brain, thus making it impossible to do. Thank you.)  
  
Now for the hard part..disposing of the body..  
  
She began to drag to corpse up the stairs to Dumbledore's office . "A.D., where should I put this?"  
  
"Another one!? Ha! It wasn't me this time! Put it in the closet with the rest," he replied as he took a drag on a dookey. (A/N: But wait he's on the shrooms, dude)  
  
Se hauled the already rotting body over to the closet. The door swung open easily, it had obviously been opened before..  
  
The stench of rotting flesh hit her nose and she staggered backwards. She grabbed Lily's body and stuffed it in there, closing the door behind her.  
  
Ginny blinked a few times and looked over at Dumbledore, she shook her head. "I think I'll go by the name Lily Evans from now on, A.D.."  
  
Dumbledore nodded with big eyes and a child-like expression on his face.  
  
Ginny sighed and closed the door.  
  
She walked up to Gryffindor Tower, lost in the depths of her mind, when she ran into James and the rest of those blubbering buffoons.  
  
James looked at Ginny, he sneered/smiled charmingly, and nodded.  
  
Ginny suddenly had a brilliant idea..James looked like Harry, a lot like Harry in fact..and she looked like the now deceased Lily..  
  
Ginny ran over and grabbed his hand, James blinked a few times. James was sure that Lily loved/hated him..  
  
Ginny whispered in his ear, "I'm pregnant with your child.."  
  
James smiled, "Yay! All these years I've fancied you secretly! And now you're going to have my baby!"  
  
Ginny almost rolled her eyes at his stupidity, but stopped herself in time. "I know! Isn't it great? Let's go spread the word!"  
  
James and Ginny skipped off into the non-existent sunset, as they were inside.  
  
Remus and Sirius were both thrilled and followed quickly after the two..but not before grasping one another's hands and sharing a "secret look".  
  
Peter stood there, puzzled for a few moments, "But wait," he voiced aloud, "James is a virgin.." He blinked a few more times, "Although, he could have lied when we played truth or dare and gave each other facials last night.." 


End file.
